A Day Of Two Halves

Yesterday was a day of total differences.. the morning was disastrous and i was feeling so totally cacky i felt like grabbing my coat and going for a VERY long walk.. everyone was either bickering or sitting in awkward silence -that, with the combination of the left overs from the previous night -i just didn't want to have to deal with it. ..the ice was broken when Lauren sat slumped against the wall and Ben made some comment about it.. we quickly got into 'debating' the reason why we seem to be having these arguments daily.. hourly even, and the possible answers to stop them.. i didn't want to think that Ben might leave but it was a definite posibility =( ...i seemed to be watching Lauren and Ben discuss things but i didn't feel part of the conversation.. all i could feel was the hurt in the pit of my stomach.. =(( .. they'd talked about it between themselves and came to some kind of understanding just as my dad arrived.. it was the best possible timing as everyone put on a big smile and he remained oblivious to what had been going on.. phew! ...Ben decided that, in reality, he had been neglecting Lauren (for want of a better word) altho we both agreed that its nothing to do with Nina's arrival.. and whilst Lauren could feel left out as Nina does get a lot of attention from medical fields, she should be old enough to be grateful that she isn't in the same boat.. so Ben and Lauren decided to go into town for some retail therapy (what's the state of affairs when your 12 year old has more spare money than you do??!) Nina and i had a great time all afternoon: playing games, dancing around and reading stories and when Ben and Lauren got back everything (and everyone) seemed very much more civil =)
Later in the evening Ben took Nina upstairs to start the evening routine and i was in the kitchen checking up on my eMails and making a bottle of milk when i heard Nina gagging from upstairs followed by quite a few expletives from Ben...balls! i threw Nina in the bath quickly whilst Ben cleaned up and i thought it was just a one-off but that would just be too easy... we spent the next 2 hours, every 20 minutes, sitting with Nina whilst she tried to be sick on an empty tummy =(( ...it would have all settled down at this point if i hadn't taken a funny turn- i'm sat on the edge of my bed with my clothes sticking to me- drips of sweat collecting then pouring off me and i'm cuddling an empty bin (just in case) and holding a cold flannel to my forehead.. in my head my thoughts were clear but i was unable to communicate to Ben that i wanted him to hold my hand just because i was plain scared =( ...next everything became muffled- very slowly.. like someone turning down the volume on the radio or having cotton wool wrapped around my head... -pick whichever visual works for you best here ;) ..the whole thing lasted at most 10 to 15 minutes but it felt like hours and afterwards i just wanted to sleep .. Nina had other ideas and with Ben having to get up to go to work the following morning i drew the short straw and stayed with Nina thro'out the night ..7.30am i woke and for the first time in a while my first thought wasn't one of dismay.. just maybe, last night was to make me realise just how important those people around me are :/ ..this morning i'm feeling fine.. a little achy and wheezy and very tired but i'll not forget Ben telling me last night that "he hates it when i go blue!"